Speed (2007) review begins....

The movie has some of the greatest actors who for some reason never acted again

The movie starts with some dudes killing a shady guy who was typing some secret code in the largest font possible

Oops.. one should check the body before leaving cos it might accidentally press enter and the codes will reach MI 6

In another story, Sandy (Zayed Khan) reaches London and he is trying to get back his ex

Meanwhile Sid (Sanjay Suri) who is supposed to be a chef, cooks the most lame breakfast and brags about his incredible cooking skills

Sid's wife Richa (Urmila) asks Sid whether he is having an affair and he asks her to check the microwave :S

And D'Damas product placement... the lady is happy..affair? what affair?

Zayed Khan reaches the London hotel where his ex is staying and starts talking to people in hindi and yells.. no wonder Indians are hated 

Oooh so Sid is not a chef he is an MI 6 agent XD ... never knew MI 6 had its headquarters inside a restaurant

MI 6 boss during the day... biker by night

MI6 gets a warning and this is the dangerous terrorist they got warned about -_- ...I hope the viewers were warned about his acting

Suddenly, Richa gets kidnapped and is taken to a damaged-western-chambal themed place with a totally unnecessary gate

Every scene of Aftab (the villain) is windy.. either it is to show off his hair bonding or he has a serious issue of gas

The scene where these agents are trying to crack the EQUINOX A Code is hilarious...I feel the IQ cap required to join MI 5 is 10 XD

This movie has so much leather in it

Hahaha when Richa tries to convince Aftab that her husband is not an agent and he is just a chef... Aftab breaks a random phone...

Sid gets a call that his wife is kidnapped

This movie seems to be a long Eurovision CD ad

So Sid notices the security camers which is located at least 2 stories high... next scene he is so close to cam.. so Sid levitates too...

Meanwhile Richa tries to escape a very very well secured window.. and fails.. what was she thinking? Damnit!

Suddenly Richa gets a shock from a wire and she picks up a piece from the crushed phone and the dial tone is still working... damn I want that phone 

She starts hitting some wires on the circuit board and dials a number...and this idiot gets a call

At this point we realize that this guy is the main hero of the movie

Richa asks Sandy to help her.. while Sandy talks to teddy bears

Story so far.. Richa convinces Sandy to help her and he finally agrees to help her out... while Aftab tells Sid to go to Barclays

While Sid offers random people 100 pounds in public bathrooms

All evil computers have a green hue on them

Possibly the only win in this movie... the police asks the question why did Richa call this idiot instead of dialing just three numbers 999 (and Richa knew which number she was dialing)

Kidnappers give you not so happy meals

Meanwhile Aftab and Sophie tell Richa that they will kidnap her son as well because why not?

Story so far.. Richa tells Sandy to pick her son up from school before the kidnappers reach there.. Sandy also calls his girlfriend to come over to the school

The strange thing is Sid has been driving to the school for hours.. where is the damn school?

And Sandy ditches the taxi and runs to the school.. Where the hell is this? Hogwarts?

Everyone's on their way to Hogwarts

So Aftab recognizes the kid by noticing the Spiderman bag, a fact that he was never told about..

But soon... our hero Sandy picks the kid right on time

But... being the idiot he is, he immediately lets the kid get out of his sight

Le Kid gets kidnapped..

Way early in the movie Sid was told to visit Barclays by the villain. But Sid pays random dude in the bathroom to impersonate him. This man is reading a newspaper for hours. But our villains only realize this after ages because when you have a ransom request and a bomb that is about to set off, it is normal to read a newspaper for more than 5 hours -_-

The villains realize they are idiots and beat up Richa

Sandy apologizes to Richa and steals Sid's car to chase Aftab

This movie (just like most bollywood movies) has a token Pakistani character, here a taxi driver, who helps Indians even when they behave like d-bags.. I mean.. he helped Sandy get to the school and didn't even get paid.. and he gets forced by Sid to chase a vehicle

While everyone is chasing Aftab... Aftab displays his d-baggery by occupying the whole seat in the car.. Just look at him giving hardly any space for the kid to sit

Just when our hero realizes that his phone battery is about to die and the car fuel is empty he starts running

He tries to catch the car... and thud! he fails.. And Aftab coolly turns around to check what the F was that sound? XD

Somewhere else, the Indian Prime Minister is visiting and time for the bomb to detonate...

So Sandy now tries to get a charger for his phone but gets asked to stand in line... He gets a fake gun and scares the guy in the counter to give him a charger... Indians do not like queues

The Indian PM gets an Indian guy as security and Raj Zutshi is the PM's son

Meanwhile Aftab amps up his d-baggery by getting into the kids' personal space... Proof Aftab was born in Mumbai railways

Richa is fed up of Sandy's dumbness and ignores his calls

Sandy's girlfriend spots the kid and chases the car as well..

Sid withdraws money and starts walking towards the drop off point

The head of security gets his girlfriend because the PM asked him to get her :S and tells them to go and have sexy time until 6 pm (which is detonation time)

Story so far... Sid gets 1.5 million pounds in his bank account and he hands over 50000 to the guy at the drop off. Sid gets a call from the kidnappers to meet his wife and kid at a coffee shop 

Suddenly.. while Richa scolds Sandy for stealing a car to help her (amoral you know) she kicks a pillar and a plaque with the words Princess Daisy written on it falls. Our hero decodes that it is a name of a book 

After having sexy time.. the security guy's girlfriend forgets something and comes back to the room only to see that the head of security is snorting coke and he is also involved in the murder plans of the PM

Our Hero figures out that Princess Daisy is a horse and the place where horse used to live is the place where the kidnappers have kept Richa.. 

Oh and did I mention that his girlfriend reached the kidnappers lair an hour ago

Finally Richa decides to f**k this shit and she goes all Rambo and electrocutes the guard

So the villains speak to a mysterious man with rings that the plan is on the roll and once Sid assassinates the PM they will kill the wife and kid

While Richa, the kid and Sandy's girlfriend try to escape the lair

But they get caught by the wind in the hair villain

Agent Sid finally figures out that the code meant assassinating the PM and he also gets caught

Fear not the hero has arrives to the lair and he breaks the petrol pipe... lights it on fire and drives the car into the lair.. A fantastic plan indeed

So how is he going to escape this? He crashes the car into the cabin and crashes out of the front window... that's how you do it people!

Then Gogo Yubari and the Bride start to fight.. oops this is not Kill Bill.. what am I writing?

Hahahaha Aftab is Indian Intelligence XD

So Sid has to assassinate the PM and Richa and Sandy come to the hotel to rescue the PM but get caught by the bad guys

And it is revealed that the PM's son wants his mom dead

Aftab is so intelligent that his hairline keeps shifting up and down... Cant handle it

Aftab gets hold of Sandy and if you wanna see the fight.. just check out Charlie's Angels fight at the end in which Drew Barrymore fights the henchmen with her hands tied

Also the movie where Jet Li fights with a water hose

The most visible assassin ever

The director also forgets that he is not in London anymore...

Sandy manages to save the day by stopping the assassination

But Sid is an agent and he needs to fight too

Aftab runs as well because his wig is coming off in the chaos

The PM soon realizes that her son is involved in this

Loads of fight happens between long haired folks and short haired folks

And the bad guys die... hahahhaa and Aftab dies on a chandelier

And Sandy gets a bloody scroll for risking his life... 

The END ...

This movie is a hilarious rip off of the movie Cellular. It has loads of over the top scenes and below average acting but I have seen worse. 

 Better have a good dose of Speed before watching this one.