Suryavanshi- The Sun-Dynasty Warrior (1992)

Suryavanshi is a fantasy horror movie featuring a pre -waxed Salman Khan and non relevant people...so let the show begin

The movie starts with a song in negative film style and it is too damn long

Story starts with Indian archaeologists called to investigate the mysterious Sangramgarh 

Meanwhile the head archaeologist (the old dude in grey) has his friend JB (old man in brown) travelling to Mumbai from America. JB's son Vicki (Salman Khan) is also gonna come to Mumbai in few days.

We see the two old friends meet and go to the archaeologist's house. Strangely the archaeologist has Vicki's (JB's son) photo framed in his room

The archaeologist also has a young daughter named Sonia. When JB meets her, he starts getting super excited..in a very creepy way

Not delaying a second, JB starts talking about getting Sonia married off to his son Vicki.. dude the guy has just landed, geez!!

JB convinces his friend that Vicki is a great guy because Vicky doesn't smoke cigarettes or drink alcohol even though he lives in America.. according to this movie all Americans are addicts.

Sonia hears this conversation and runs to the mountains and starts dancing because she is in love with Vicki :S

Hahaha.. Indian arranged marriages in a nutshell

Mr. Vicki arrives from America and he is driving a jeep.

He forgets India has left hand drive and hits a cow. A very strong cow considering his car totaled.

However Vicki gets out unscathed and asks the cow why he did this to him. Vicki speaks cow.

Suddenly a lot of ladies arrive at the accident spot and everyone starts dancing

At this point I don't even know what is happening :S
Vicki starts singing and dancing, occasionally blurting racist lyrics (with the gesture) 
What Vicki sings - "I salute flowers, please don't think I am from Assam" 

Looks like Vicki's fashion is inspired by Maharashtra Cadet Corps uniforms

After the dance session Vicki leaves on  his car (literally like On The Car) and the car is now driving by itself.
This is not an accident, this a is a miracle 

Vicki finally arrives home and as soon as arrives he starts giving people clothes and sleeping pills (yes you read it correct)

Vicki is a creep just like his father. As soon as he sees Sonia he starts hitting on her and expresses that he wants to marry her.

However. the next day, Vicki realizes that he wants to see the world and doesn't want to get married.He tells this to Sonia and suddenly it starts raining

And I have no idea why he mentions his love for his grandson.

Meanwhile Vicki's dad is printing wedding invitations. (wtf) pretty sure JB is a wedding officiant from Las Vegas.

Vicki tries to tell his dad about his decision but his dad is busy checking card designs and ignores him.

Meanwhile the archaeologist is looking at the mysterious sculpture's picture from Sangramgarh. Suddenly, the picture flies across the room and hits Vicki.

The next day, the archaeologist holds a press meet to reveal the findings on Sangramgarh..but JB being a douchebag takes this opportunity to announce his son's engagement -_- .. just like building functions, where random fuckers start giving a speech when they touch the mic.

While the images of Sangramgarh are being aired to the press, Vicki gets a major stomach ache.

Is this something supernatural or the bad vada pav Vicki ate with his sleeping pills?

JB announces the wedding to the press and both Vicki and Sonia accept it because what will the society say? -_-

They get married but vow to remain platonic.However when Vicki tries to sleep on the couch, Sonia tells him to sleep with her but not to worry, there wont be any sex cos she is an Indian girl XD

Vicki and Sonia are having a party and Tom (Tom Alter) who is Vicki's employer (Vicki is a boat racer apparently) takes both Vicki and Sonia to watch sinking boats right in the middle of their party

After watching the boats sink, Vicki wants to cross the dangerous river and he gets excited about death. Sonia realizes her platonic husband is a nutjob

Next day a Baba arrives at the archaeologist's home and he sees Vicki and gets shocked

He sees Vicki's picture on the shelf and steals it... but not before breaking a glass, which everyone seems to ignore

Baba scribbles on Vicki's picture and makes him look like an 80s rockstar.. but not before breaking some more glass

The baba comes to the party (another party) and tells people that Sangramgarh is cursed by the ghost of an evil queen, who committed suicide

He also tells them that he once tried confronting the ghost but she said she wanted her Suryavanshi (name of the movie and Salman dressed as Thor)

But all of sudden baba sees the picture of the stone princess and decides to end her by tearing the picture

But just like the stone statue the picture is also haunted and Baba gets killed by falling on the same glass pieces he threw in his room (seriously please up clean broken glass)

Baba dies and the doctor gives a demonstration of his death XD XD XD .. and says this death seems strange

Doctor concludes it is supernatural and people must stay away from the cursed place. But when the word strange and dangerous gets mentioned, suicidal Vicki decides his boating trip can wait and he wants to visit Sangramgarh

Soon the entire family and crew leave for Sangramgarh where they see a black cat cross the road in front of them

When Vicki is told to stop the car for a while Vicki chases the cat like this :S

While they are on their way to Sangramgarh we see Amrita Singh dancing in the ruins

At the location, Vicki and Sonia have a discussion about their fake marriage and Vicki's dad hears it and becomes sad.. wtf was he thinking forcing people into marriages

The crew reaches the ruins and looks for a way to dig but cannot find one. Vicki however tells them that there is a palace underneath the ruins. Everyone is shocked how did he know this as he wasn't there when the baba told this story

Meanwhile the archaeologist intends to find the passage to the underground palace with a magnifying glass

Sonia climbs on the ancient ruin but falls down.. she claims someone pushed her.. well she deserves it

This idiot decides to stay back in the ruins in the night despite warnings...and gets attacked

He also does the Kamehameha wave

The dude Ajit manages to escape and tells Sonia to not let Vicki go to the ruins..

Sonia decides to stop Vicki from going to the ruins by doing an interpretive dance

Meanwhile the ghost also tries calling out to Vicki

Just when they are about to leave the location, the ruins open up and they get an access to the underground palace

The archaeologist looks for bacteria with the magnifying glass... he loves his magnifying glass

In the beginning of the movie the archaeologist sends a guy named kishore to the ruins to take pictures.. he send them the files but never came and now these guys find him hanging out in the palace

Now we flash back to the story of the evil princess...
So it seems the princess did not like men so she keeps leopards and killer gorillas, and other evil things to destroy any guy who asks her out for a date

She gets a proposal by this guy who has an assistant who keeps doing cartwheels.. now I understand her hatred for men

The suitor gets challenged and he fights successfully for hours until he gets attacked by a man wearing a Chewbacca costume

When the princess urges her mother to scrap the marriage rule.. In comes Suryavanshi (Vicki dressed as thor with a sword) and kills everyone ...why is he blonde?

He also kills the gorilla and attacks the leopards. The princess gets impressed and agrees to marry him

One needs to have a talking mirror to become evil

Suryavanshi sleeps with the princess and leaves her because that dude with the cartwheeling assistant was his bro

The princess commits suicide and curses Suryavanshi to be reborn and come to her and Suryavanshi is also killed

What's up with people in this movie cursing everyone?

Now you see Vicki is the reincarnate of Suryavanshi and the evil princess' ghost is trying to get him back.

Cut to present times in the ruins...

These guys find a book how to free the soul of the princess but the book is missing that crucial information just like this movie is missing its point

The cool Vicki is now convinced he is Suryavanshi

Meanwhile these douchebags steal the book and go to the ruins to get the diamonds from the palace

They come across the ghost and she tells them to get Suryavanshi

But they refuse and get electrocuted

They get a quick lobotomy by the ghost and they go to pick up Suryavanshi aka Vicki

A newly lobotomized Mahesh literally picks up Vicki and beats up his father.. suddenly Vicki channels Suryavanshi and starts breaking logs

Vicki beats up the bad guys who then roll over in extreme slow motion

Suddenly this idiot decides to get the last page from the ruins.. didn't he get his arse kicked before

He finds the page under a huge rock which he nudges a bit and moves it

He figures out the that ghost can be killed by destroying the mirror but since he is not the main lead of the movie he fails

Both Vicki and Sonia visit the ruins and Vicki gets the traditional welcome

After loads of whining and nagging Vicki tries to hit the ghost but gets attacked by flowers

Lol the ladies start fighting over the guy

Vicki gets lobotomized by the ghost and now he tries to kill Sonia

Sonia runs into the ghost's mother's room and the mother protects her

Sunrise happens and the ghost goes back into the mirror. Both Vicki and Sonia escape from the ruins in their car.. but Vicki keeps driving and doesn't get out of that place until sunset.. this makes Vicki a very slow driver. Then what kind of racer was he? 

But night arrives and Vicki's car goes into autopilot mode and takes him back to the ruins

Now Vicki plays along with the ghost and tells her that he will stay with her only if she lets Sonia go alive and free. The ghost accepts but tells Sonia to remove her mangalsutra before she leaves

But Sonia refuses to break her chain and instead agrees to die.. what's up with Bollywood women and their mangalsutras 

After loads and loads of talking to each other Vicki confesses his love to Sonia

The ghost tries to lobotomize Vicki yet again but he averts it because now he has the power of love

Sonia finds the last page and she gets a clue on how to kill the ghost, which is the ghost's mom's image

Finally Sonia uses the mom's picture to kill the ghost.. at least the ghost had some respect for her mom

The ghost dies and asks Vicki for forgiveness

And Vicki and Sonia run outside the ruins and reach the crew area in 5 minutes.. where the hell was Vicki driving earlier? Oh and the end ;)

Finally!!
This movie is overtly dramatic and hilarious.. watch it for laughs... there are many.. my recommended flop movie ;)

Cheers
xxSPy