Sunday, August 24, 2014

Baaz - A Bird in Danger


Today I am going to review a gripping thriller called Baaz - A Bird in Danger. No, it is not a wildlife conservation story about the kite/hawk species. It is supposed to be a movie with lots of twists and it has Karisma Kapoor as the protagonist and Dino Morea, who might be in the endangered species list.

Lets start the review and I hope it is not dangerous!!!


The movie starts with a dialogue that every human being has multiple personalities and the story is about a man who is a human hawk (Insaani Baaz).. inbreeding? bestiality? god knows!

Meet Psychotic boy.. aka Insaani Baaz


He loves breaking butterfly wings...

Obviously because he realized that the butterfly was made of plastic and his life is a lie


And ripping flowers... just like teenagers in love..

He also breaks dolls...

Why would parents buy such creepy dolls? poor misunderstood kid

Oh wait also Ramu Kaka's kid ...

This kid clearly doesn't like these dolls get him a GI Joe already



So the boy's grandma takes the kid for checkup at Lilavati where the doctor looks like this

The doctors say the boy is genetically a psycho.. and he will destroy anything that attracts him

The paraphernalia at the doctor's office is just like the doctor's face... Creepy 

So we get to see the boy being bullied at school.. no wonder he has issues...

while mom is in a mental hospital where people are partying in the background

Anybody will go mad if they live in a room like this.. dead flowers, Anthrax written on walls and creepy dolls



17 years later our psycho kid is killing the ladies of Nainital and preserving them in huge glass cases..



Cut to Dino arriving at a party and he quickly destroys a flower.. so is he the gardener's nightmare?


Sunil Shetty notices this and calls him out and then both of them suddenly have a poetry showdown.

Finally Dino realizes that Sunil doesn't understand poetry and tells him he broke the flower because it was infected

 Jackie Shroff suddenly flies into the scene and stamps on the flower with pleasure... hmmm so could he be the psycho? 


There is party at Jackie's mansion and they are selecting Miss Nainital and the competition is between the final three

Lol, not the man.. but these three and the winner is apparently decided by a dance off :P



But Dino Morea starts singing and dancing with a bunch of extras who are wearing shiny plastic pants because that is the only thing visible in 360p resolution 


And the winner is.. Bhavana Negi and she wins because her contestants fall into the pool.. literally


But the contest winner is soon killed by the psycho who gets caught


And the cop is the same contestant who fell into the pool and lost the competition :P not inconspicuous for a small town cop to go undercover


But the killer is set free because what he did was absolutely legal.. 

And riots break out in Nainital

And enter Karisma Kapoor in an extremely windy room and she gets a job to decorate Jackie's mansion in Nainital.. she is happy and starts climbing every piece of furniture in the room



Karisma reaches Nainital and at the station Sunil notices her and admires her beauty with a cheap line "Beauty with Purity".. notice how anyone gets introduced in the movie for the first time Sunil is right there judging


Karisma reaches Jackie's mansion.. while Jackie is cleaning his contact lenses with a syringe .. hahaha


Then Jackie tells Karisma that he selected her for her looks and she is his property ... Just a routine employment procedure

Karisma is given a place to live.. which looks like this

Next morning while Karisma is humming her favorite Nescafe coffee theme song (yeah everyone in the movie seems to be doing that) someone's taking her pictures

Suddenly while Karisma is going to have a shower Dino Morea enters in the bathroom through the window


Was he gonna attack her? No No.. he was just warning her about an electrical problem..and that's the only way he could convey this


After helping the lady out.. Dino is still picturing her naked for future references

He suddenly sees Sunil who is standing in the middle of nowhere judging the world



Jackie keeps a check on Karisma while living his creepy life

While Dino tries to impress her with early morning songs, breakfast and wireless electric guitar

Karisma starts hanging out with Dino who is so creepy that he gets weird stares from local people of Nainital


And when Karisma questions him.. he comes up with a shady and vague reply.. which is absolutely fine with the lady


Sunil Shetty judging compilation
At the market..
At the construction site

But soon Karisma gets a phone call from the inspector who tells her that her life is in danger


But she ignores it and sits in a very unsafe looking cable car


And she falls..


When Karisma is hanging for her dear life the cable car operator stops the machine because in India people welcome death with open arms... it is the only solution for population control

But Dino jumps on the rope and saves Karisma while people around them clap and cheer




Once Dino gets a hold of Karisma, the cable operator starts the cable to get them to safety... patriarchy wins


While hanging, Dino shows Karisma, Jackie's mansion from the top... which looks like a bad compositing job


Story so far... Karisma gets an idea how to decorate the mansion.. Dino gets some loving.. and Sunil Shetty is still judging



Movie love tip - jab do log ghanti baandhte hai toh unka pyaar kabhi nahin toot tha hai XD

Everyone in this movie never get to the damn point... Like here Jackie wants to ask Karisma out for a dinner but he talks about the sun the moon and other creepy things

Then Karisma goes to a dinner with Dino where she gets a call by none other that Sunil "I judge you" Shetty who is a cop :P .. he tells her that her life is in danger XD and Dino is a dangerous man


When the lady cop questions Sunil about telling Karisma that Dino is a bad guy.. Sunil starts talking about chess.... very deep indeed

But the secret is out and Dino figures out that it was Mr Judging You's call

Karisma visits the cops and they tell her that he is the serial killer but they don't have evidence to arrest him.. she tells them to piss off XD we also find out that the dude who got free in the beginning of the movie is Dino :P 

But soon Karisma discovers some rather unflattering pictures of her and a syringe at Dino's place and realizes that Dino is not a great photographer and a diabetic


She runs for her life and falls into Sunil's arms


Lol suddenly Jackie is shown in his house, which looks like the Khajuraho temple and he imagines Karisma is dancing with him and other random women







While Jackie's having naughty thoughts about Karisma, Karisma comes to his place and gives him a resignation letter

But she gets stopped by Sunil who tells her to be a bait and she agrees

But soon Dino figures out that he is being played and starts threatening Karisma's portrait..very serial killer of him

Meanwhile the comatose sister (also a witness) of the victim (miss nainital) starts responding but soon dies after she sees Sunil Shetty :P.. No one can handle Sunil's hotness



The lady cop is so dumb that she did not understand the plot twist..the testament to her dumbness is that she is typing on a computer that is not even on.

Sherlock soon figures out who the killer is but doesn't tell this to anyone and is found dead the next day.. that too at Dino's house


Now Dino's on the run with the police right behind him... Dino jumps into a waterfall to avoid them... and the scene is very believable


Meanwhile the cops chasing Dino on motorbikes forget they have brakes


Bikes in waterfall


So Dino who manages to survive the fall tries to convince Karisma that he is not the bad guy by knocking her out cold.. pretty legit

Sunil finally arrests Dino and takes him to the temple.. because religion= No freedom


At the temple Sunil turns his Psycho face on and he is pissed off because Dino tied ghantia (bells) with Karisma

Actual movie dialogue - I am not a Killa.. I am a Prrootecthaaaa of beauty XD

We also get to see how the Lady cop got killed in Sunil's lair.. which is a giant refrigerator

So Sunil.. like any good plastic surgeon wants to preserve Karisma's beauty by keeping her in a freezer

Sunil finally brings Karisma to his ice palace.. 

But Dino screams MOM for some reason and Jackie hears it and now they both look for Karisma



So Dino notices icicles in the ceilings of Sunil's house... this  might be a way into Sunil's lair which was clearly underground in the middle of a forest

Cotton has so many uses.. including making fake snow

 Just when things start to look bleak,in come the heroes and start beating up Sunil



Suddenly Sunil gets shot ... by...his...grandma who also goes mad because she ended her bloodline... maybe she should have frozen her DNA ;) 



Final Review..
Baaz - A bird in danger tries super hard to be a thriller but only manages to keep it interesting in very few scenes. The characters are so shallow that everyone is trying to look shady and there is no sense of shock when the killer is finally revealed.

The acting is also loud and obvious and it feels like the director wanted people to believe everyone is a suspect. But he failed.

The movie also gets psychopathy wrong and shows the condition in a very one dimensional way. 

Overall the movie is a fun watch and it is not to be taken seriously.

Cheers
xxspy


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